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Stock Market Dictionary Common Stock - The Officers and Directors take common paper, imprint a company seal on it, issue it to each other, than sell it to common people for actual money who in turn hope that one day someone will come along and overpay them with real money for a common piece of paper and a company seal. Proxy Vote - Celebrated by dictators around the world as a model for the electoral process. Each year corporate America tells their shareholders that they will choose the appointed leaders or their vote will not be counted. Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low. Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower. Liquidity - Liquid, i.e., beer, plus stupidity. The necessary qualifications for investing in a bear market. Earnings below expectations - An inadequate salary prompting your wife to run away with her personal trainer. Broker - Poorer than you were last year. P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants when the market crashes. 52 Week High -
The next 52 weeks are spent at the Betty Ford Clinic. 52 Week Low - Where your portfolio goes for the next year after the Federal Reserve uses its "irrational exuberance index" to justify pre-emptive strikes against exuberance. "Buy, Buy" - A former Wall Street Analyst now working as a flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane. Accounting Dept. -Honored by environmentalists for recycling the shredded documents that were used to prepare your companies quarterly report. Standard & Poor - Your life in a nut shell. Company Bankruptcy - The company starts over with no debt, the officers and directors pay themselves millions of dollars in incentives to stay around and restructure the company and former stock holders get free and unlimited use of internet message boards. Stock Analyst - Pyschic hot line host and also moonlights as the jerk who just downgraded your stock. Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. Bear Market - A 6 to 36 month period when the kids get no allowance and the wife gets no jewelry. Stock Split - When your "Ex" and the lawyers split all of your assets equally between themselves. Market Correction - The
day after you buy stocks. Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears. Flight to Quality - One way ticket to Paris. Resistance Level - The price level where everyone but you sold. Support Level - Tomorrows Resistance Level Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail. Yahoo - What you yell after selling the company for $540 per share. Institutional Investor - Day trader who's locked up in a nut house. S.E.C. - Shamelessly Enabling Corruption. FOMC - Friends Of the Market Cartel.
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